John Damian Taylor, my brother
A eulogy from Sue Hughes at John Taylor's funeral.
My name Is Sue. I am John's second sister. The rite of delivering the eulogy has fallen upon me. There were no volunteers. In case it helps any of you in the future, make sure you volunteer for the committee that decides who will speak. That way you can nominate someone else. Helen said I was chosen because I wouldn't waffle and I have been allocated 7 minutes. We will see.
John turned 52 a few weeks ago. On behalf on John, his wife Helen, his children Emma and Laura, his immediate family, extended family and friends, I would like to say that we have all been cheated of the life of a very special person. I suspect he was not aware of how special he was.
A family retrospective of John is difficult to write without sounding like it was written by a committee. Each one of us has a unique experience of John as son, brother, husband, father, friend or colleague. And as today unfolds I hope those memories bind us together as we celebrate his life.
He was born 23" July 1953. He was the eldest of 9 children of Irene and Aelred and leader of the pack, when as a family of 4 kids we emigrated as $10 Poms to Australia arriving in 1960.
People forget that as children of migrants, even English ones, there are many adjustments and challenges to living in a new country. On the one hand, there is the family culture and expectation and on the other the embracing of all things new and relinquishing the old. For John there is no doubt that he embraced Australia as his national identity and loved its rugged challenges.
I would like to refer all of you to his memorial website where there many extra details from family and friends that cannot be included in this eulogy.
We lived in Eltham in the 60's when it was really in the sticks. He attended Our Lady Help of Christian's primary school where their shelter shed doubled as the home of the 2"d Eltham Sea scouts. He was drawn to the outdoor activities that scouting promoted and especially the sea scouts as their camps were always by water and Involved both camping and water activities.... Boating, sailing or canoeing.
Out side of home his natural leadership qualities were emerging. At a very early age he attracted the local kids like the pied piper and was the clear leader of the tricycle gang. I myself was not included as I only had a scooter. He had natural leadership qualities in all fields of his adult life and these areas will be addressed by others.
At home, during the early years he was just the big brother......But oh to be included in those secret activities ...playing down by the railway tracks (sorry M&D) lifting up pieces of corrugated iron to see if there was tiger snake underneath, catching it, killing it and skinning it on the front verandah....early biology lessons I think. Following that came ferrets, rabbiting, guns, chooks and pigeons,-- not necessarily in that order.
On his way home from school he was aloof from the girls -sisters and others, and made it clear that there was secret men's business to be conducted in both the local tip (which was a short cut home) and in the pine forest, an incredibly quiet place with a small lake, bull rushes and all. (A great forum for wrestling matches and target practice for sling shots)
During this early time he was always called by his second name Damian. Can you believe he was an altar boy too, but not for long. Secondary schooling was at Marcellin College Bulleen in the days when Jack Hoystead was renowned for giving the cuts, corporal punishment being common place. He enjoyed sports and continued to play hockey for the old boys. He didn't particularly like school but was, I believe, a hardworking student..jn our opinion a late bloomer who achieved greater things after he left school. So for all you students remember that the VCE is only a score it is not an indication of who you are or what you are capable of in the world.
As he matured and become more assertive he decided that Damian was not the best name for him (a bit too woosy) and changed to John, But there are other Johns, so to us he became JD, just as Helen is referred to as The Red One or simply red Helen.
After school came an Honours degree in Agricultural science, whilst enjoying the outdoor pursuits that the Uni provided. And others here today will talk in detail of these as well as his passion for flying.
Somewhere along the way developed an incredible toughness, he was just the man you wanted in a crisis. However to be tough also made him more reticent to be open and vulnerable and harder for him express his positive emotions.
Superficially he was a bit of a grump, but my God he could be passionate and certainly able to say the difficult things without tempering his words in case they offended the sensibilities of others.... If he thought your arse looked big in those pants he told you so... but maybe this was saved for family.
This gruff exterior was to be soon tempered by marrying Helen in1983, although she soon realised that words were not his strong point. With the arrival of his two daughters Emma and Laura over the next few years he was once again to experience a challenge to this gruff exterior. Lately, he was very proud of Emma for attempting and achieving so successfully on the Einstein factor. Likewise he was proud of Laura for her commitment and success with her swimming.
There are a few personal anecdotes that Helen would like to share with you - in response to his diagnosis he told Heien that he loved her. She said that saying he loved her twice in 20 years wasn't bad going. Also, he never complemented her on her good looks in the early days but on the other hand he never made mention of her aging either. She thought that he was being pretty consistent and solid as a rock. Being a man of few words he was unlikely ever to declare undying love for Helen but could point to the building of their house as a daily reminder of his devotion. Which bring us to the house....
Rose Hill, as it is known, was a dream of both John and Helen. They lived in Alex from 1984, bought the land in 85, and started building in 88. Helen admits to being supremely naive regarding building anything but John being supremely confident. The plan was for the first part of the house to be completed by the time that Emma was born and they were not far off those plans moving in when Emma was 6 weeks old in 1989.
As you all know it is a mud brick house and everyone of those bricks was hand made. Of the 5500 bricks, the first half were made by John and Helen and the second half were made by family and friends. Is it any wonder that he felt very connected to the earth? He had a tremendous capacity for hard work and expected the same from others. His skills included diagnosing heat stroke in one of his brothers during a working bee with the recommended treatment being to go and lie in the dam for a while. Did the trick.
There are a few misadventures that need to be noted about his hobbies and early skills. Notably the drill in the foot incident, the broken glass with lacerated foot incident and the concussion from the canoe falling on his head in the aforementioned shelter shed.
His major crime against Occupational Health and Safety however was in his house construction. I am reliably informed that grooves needed to be cut at the top of the upright posts 4.5m from the ground. To do this he assembled some scaffolding onto which he placed a science desk courtesy of Alex HS. Still needing further elevation he added to this a 44 gallon drum. Now at perfect height he climbed atop and revved up the chain saw. Being successful the first time he repeated this 3 more times....
Alex is no different from any other country town where outsiders are initially regarded with suspicion, hobby farming being frowned on as a means to a tax deduction. John impressed the locals with his care of the land, stock selection, farming and construction skills and in the course of time his steers topped the market and the word hobby disappeared from farming. Of that he was very proud.
When he became sick he was pretty disappointed in - his body letting him down. He kept saying "look at my scrawny legs" because as you know he had great legs, a lovely bum and soft skin. In response to the news about his imminent death friends were heard to remark that it is bloody tragic. Who could disagree with that? It is indeed difficult to see anything redeeming about John's awful suffering and death. However we believe that there is at least one thing we can take from this tragedy.
There was a childlike simplicity about John, which was hard not to like. About a week before he died, after a constant stream of visitors to the Alex hospital and the assurance from Helen that his funeral was going to be huge, he made a remark that typified that childlike simplicity. He said "I didn't know so many people cared".
John had drawn to himself so much love from us all that he was overwhelmed by it, hence that simple remark, 'I didn't know that so many people cared'. It seems that often it takes that kind of tragic circumstance to draw that love from us. If there is anything redeeming in his death, it is this. If John's suffering and death can draw from us all this love and compassion for each other, then maybe it will not have been a complete and meaningless bloody tragedy.
posted by Peter Campbell at 5:50 PM
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